Nevada Plumbers Union to Boycott TUF 10

The Nevada Plumbers and Pipefitters Union Local 525 is boycotting the tenth season of "The Ultimate Fighter". According to a statement released yesterday, the upcoming season - which features coaches Quinton Jackson and Rashad Evans at the helm of two teams of heavyweights - saw the off-camera deaths of two licensed plumbers and the injury of three sanitation technicians and four apprentices during the course of filming, a death toll far exceeding those of previous TUF installments. "Sixteen heavyweights locked into a house with only three toilets? That's not just dangerous, that's criminal!" said union chief Sal Minganelli over the phone. "Every day my guys went in to that warzone to replace broken fixtures and ruptured pipes, and every day they put themselves in harm's way. And for what? A TV show about some clown named 'Kimbo'? I'm telling you, it's not right. It's not right." TUF 10 debuts tonight, and in addition to Kimbo Slice, will feature the toilet-busting prowess of Roy Nelson, Wes Sims and Scott "Irritable Bowel Syndrome" Junk.

Mitch the Intern's TUF 9 Recap: Episode 4

*Editor's note: Mitch the Intern is an NYU undergrad whose favorite Wednesday night pastime includes the TV in his dorm room, a green beanbag chair and two hits of acid. Enjoy.*

In this week's episode, the very fabric of space and time is threatened, plus more Brits speak with accents so thick they don't even understand themselves.

Tanned, rested, well-coiffed and friendly like a soccer hooligan is friendly, Michael Bisping greets his wards and puts them through their paces in a hard training session. His coaches are introduced - someone named "Sucker" to teach grappling, some unassuming bald guy to teach striking - and his team of countrymen/aspiring UFCers sweat and grunt and then hug each other and drink tea from porcelain cups, their pinky fingers jutting out as they say "jolly good" and "know wha' ah' mean, gov'nor?"

Then the Queen of England (also known as "Dan" - still no explanation why) trains her Team America: World Police, and introduces her coaching staff, which includes someone to teach boxing, someone to teach kickboxing, someone to teach grappling, someone to teach conditioning, someone to teach hygiene, someone to teach manners, someone to teach calligraphy, someone to teach mathematics, and someone that is apparently the Queen's oldest friend and helped her build sandcastles when they were but wee children spending holidays at the seaside. The Queen asks her team who sucks and who doesn't. Mark Miller raises his hand, so he gets to fight first against someone named Nick Ostrich.

It's then that the universe and all within it are put in jeopardy. For some reason, Bisping and his coaches watch the second TUF episode of the season on TV - which in turn was watched by editors at SpikeTV before being watched by us. That's people watching a TUF episode watching a TUF episode watching a TUF episode. Somewhere on Earth Stephen Hawking grows uneasy, while in the parallel universe known as "UI-8669a-Beta", the Overlord's Royal Guard's stand ready at the Gate Between Worlds, their Energy Lances held aloft. Why you gotta play us like that, Michael Bisping?

Back at the TUF house there are pranks. Tame, non-gay pranks. A Brit's t-shirt is defaced. And back at the gym, a Brit's shoes are written on. In the control room, a producer with a headset watches the dailies and shakes his head. Says to a young production assistant: "Nope. Not gay enough." The production assistant nods. Says to the editor: "Cue up the 'Meat Missile' clip."

Mark Miller looks into the camera and declares himself a 'Meat Missile'. All targeted demographics are hit.

It's fight day, and Miller and Ostrich enter the cage. They kick and punch and roll around, and late in the second round Ostrich makes his British teammates proud by planting his shin upside the American's head. Miller drops to examine a spot on the canvas that has suddenly become very interesting to him.

Later, the Queen of England confronts Miller. "I thought you said you didn't suck?" she says.

"No, I was one of the ones who did suck," comes his reply.

Observations from My Couch: TUF 8 Finale

• Is it me or did Dave Kaplan look like the late Evan Tanner's miniature clone?
• Admittedly, Junie Browning did show a lot of skill and talent. As long as he's not acting like a douchebag, he's actually kind of likable.
• Wilson Gouveia TKO'd the heck out of Jason MacDonald - a feat made less impressive by the fact that Gouveia failed to make weight. That five-pound weight difference really is an unfair advantage. I mean, anyone can knock anyone out when they weigh five pounds more.
• Anthony Johnson's knockout of Kevin Burns was indeed sweet justice, but when he knelt over the fallen Burns and carved out his eyeball with a pocket knife... I'm sorry,but that was excessive.
• I was deathly afraid that Ryan "The Human Blanket" Bader was going to show up. I was pleased that it was Ryan "The Punch People in the Head So Hard They Do Cartwheels" Bader that we all got to see.
• Efrain Escudero fought a smart fight against Phillipe Nover. Nover will be back. No doubt about it.

Five Reasons Why Phillipe Nover Will Beat Efrain Escudero

TUF 8 finalists Phillipe Nover and Efrain Escudero will duke it out tomorrow night at the TUF finale on SpikeTV, which will determine who is this season's Ultimate Fighter and who will be relegated to mowing Dana White's lawn on the weekends for extra cash. In light of White and coach Nogueira's high praise, which was lavished on the Brooklyn native once he started clobbering foes in the Octagon like the Fantastic Four's "Thing" clobbers run-of-the-mill bank robbers, does the undefeated Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt Escudero stand a chance? Um, unless Nover slips on a banana peel on his way to the cage, the answer is "no". Here are five reason why Nover will win:

1. Not only was Nover recently awarded his jiu-jitsu black belt by Alexandre "Soca" Freitas, but he was issued a license to kill by Her Majesty's Secret Service and was made an honorary Power Ranger.
2. According to the prophecy, "No man born of Earth can harm the one they call Phillipe Nover".
3. The movie "Cloverfield" was inspired by the night Nover went out in Manhattan, had a little too much to drink and toppled three office buildings.
4. Nover got over his allergy to Kryptonite a long time ago. Now it just tastes bitter.
5. Nover has superpowers. Escudero does not.

TUF 8 Analysis: Episodes 11 & 12

The last two episodes were aired back to back, and they featured the final four match-ups to decide who makes it to the finale. Stankie more or less remained on the back burner for them, which is just as well, as Junie Browning was there to satisfy the "crazy" quotient.

• Ryan Bader is nonstop excitement and in his bout with Eliot Marshall he showed a wide range of mixed martial arts skills.
• Good Lord am I kidding. That performance was all suck, all the time.
• How well-rounded is Phillipe Nover? After tapping George Roop out with a kimura, he gave Roop a post-fight medical examination in the locker room - and then prescribed him pain medication for his shoulder!
• Krzysztof Soszynski introduced an interesting formula. He stated that one punch turns a jiu-jitsu black belt into a brown belt, and one combination can turn that same fighter into a white belt. What does a kick turn that black belt into? A purple belt? What about a knee to the midsection? A judo throw? An elbow to the jaw?
• I don't know what's worse: Browning's disgraceful actions in the house or Dana White's disgraceful decision to let him stay.
• The episode ended with coach Nogueira shaving coach Mir's head. This little bit of hairstyling coupled with White's "beat him off" comment is why TUF night is huge in gay bars across the nation.

TUF Viewing Party with Phillipe Nover

Once again another season of "The Ultimate Fighter" draws to a close, and once again TUF 8 competitor and rising star Phillipe Nover is having a viewing party. Details can be found at Phillipe's blog here - http://phillipenover.blogspot.com/2008/11/dec-3rd-viewing-party.html . The last one was a blast. Everyone at the Aviation Recreation Center sports bar went bananas when Phillipe was shown eating urine-soaked fruit in that episode, and tonight's episode promises more TUF house shenanigans plus the first-ever decapitation in the Octagon. Wahoo!

Jorge Gurgel Jumps From UFC to Strikeforce, Vows to Never Go to the Ground Again

TUF 2 veteran Jorge Gurgel, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt and grappling instructor for former champ Rich Franklin, was cut from the UFC's roster this week but immediately signed with Strikeforce. Gurgel lost four of his seven bouts in the Octagon, with his last outing - a three-round "Fight of the Night" war against Aaron Riley - garnering the lightweight submission master both praise and criticism for his dogged desire to engage in a pure stand-up battle. "I may be a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt, but I swear you will never see an ounce of grappling from me ever again," said Gurgel, who wields at best only mediocre kickboxing skills. "Fans don't want to see me win with fancy armlocks and chokes. They want to see me get my head pounded in - and that's what I'll give them." Gurgel joins a talent-rich Strikeforce roster that includes Josh Thomson and Gilbert Melendez, both of whom will be more than happy to punch him in the face.

TUF 8 Analysis: Episode 10

Is it me or has coach Nogueira's English slightly improved? Anyway, TUF 8's tenth episode and the last of the quarterfinal match-ups - yahoo! But only a little Stankie - boo!

• John Polakowski loves to hug people. Unfortunately, that hugging is the extent of his grappling ability.
• This week the "prank of the night" was eating all the marshmallows in Polakowski's box of Lucky Charms. What, were the housemates out of urine?
• A one-handed George Roop was able to defeat a healthy Polakowski. That's got to be embarrassing.
• The semifinal match-ups are announced, and the preview for the next episode shows Junie Browning engaging in more shenanigans. Oh joy! Do us all proud, Junie!

TUF 8 Analysis: Episode 9

The ninth episode of the season means we're winding down with all the outside storylines of where the fighters came from and why they're raging alcoholics. Thank God. TUF excels when it's all about which fighters are the best and which fighters suck. I could care less that Junie Browning lives in a trailer and Ryan Bader is wanted in three states for cattle rustling.

• According to those who saw advance copies, episode nine was supposed to feature Dave Kaplan and Tom Lawlor drinking each other's urine, but SpikeTV wisely edited that out for the broadcast. Accent on the word "wisely", folks.
• Kaplan wasn't lying when he said he couldn't be knocked out. However, he omitted the fact that he's narcoleptic. When Lawlor socked him on the jaw, Kaplan actually fell asleep. No lie.
• Every household item moved into Krzysztof Soszynski's room? Every plate and spoon and fork on the basketball court? Those are the lamest pranks ever. In my day, decent pranks ended with a body count. Damn kids...
• Not only does Frank Mir stink at soccer, but he stinks at losing too.
• After having to face the vastly more-experienced Ben Rothwell twice in the IFL, Soszynski has definitely earned a few easy fights. We'll mark off his TUF bout against Kyle Kingsbury as one of the easy ones.

Amir Sadollah Injures Self to Avoid Facing Nick Catone at UFC 91

Middleweight TUF 7 winner Amir Sadollah's bout against ROC champ Nick Catone, which was slated for the main card of Saturday's UFC 91, has now been cancelled according to the UFC website. The reason behind the last-minute cancellation is a self-inflicted leg injury, which was sustained when Sadollah purposely jumped into the path of a charging ram. Said Sadollah's trainer Dirk Frankenbaum: "I don't understand it. The training camp was great, everything was great. Then last night we showed Amir some footage of Catone's fights, and Amir ran out back and met up with that ram." Added Frankenbaum, "I guess Amir really didn't want to fight him." The preliminary match-up between Tamdan McCrory and Dustin Hazelett will now be moved up to the pay-per-view broadcast.

TUF 8 Analysis: Episode 8

Another Wednesday night, another TUF 8 episode. Coach Mir grows more and more toolish, Stankie is kept off screen (aside from some crazy, old man gesticulating), and bodily fluids are consumed in "weird German porno" fashion.

• Fruit marinated in urine and sushi coated in man-chowder. Ugh. Why is it that whenever I hype an episode and tell all my friends to watch it, the gay stuff happens? Now everyone is avoiding me.
• Boiled duck fetuses? I guess for Phillipe Nover, fear is definitely not a factor.
• Junie Browning giving out tips on how to beat his teammate Dave Kaplan is only half of what he did. Although it wasn't shown, Browning also let the air out of the tires on Kaplan's dirt bike and ate his pillow.
• Nover hits very hard. So hard, in fact, that not only was Kaplan knocked silly enough to believe he was still the better fighter of the two afterwards, but coach Mir too was concussed into believing Kaplan was superior. I sincerely hope both Kaplan and Mir have since gotten MRIs and brain scans.

Scenes From Phillipe Nover's TUF Screening

The Aviator Recreation Center in Brooklyn played host to Phillipe Nover's TUF 8 episode screening party tonight. In attendance: Nover and a ton of his friends and family, plus jiu-jitsu ace Carmine Zocchi, http://nycfight.com/ founder Eric Joza and a lot of pizza.

TUF 8 Analysis: Episode 7

The seventh episode of TUF 8, blah, blah, blah. Eccentric assistant coach Stankie was very subdued this week, as prior to filming he'd spent a few nights in Clark County Jail for bringing a live grenade into famed strip joint Spearmint Rhino. Hey man, it wasn't like he was going to pull the pin or anything.

• Coach Mir's victory speech to Junie Browning consisted of a lot of "Dude, you suck!" and a tiny bit of "But congrats anyway". Interesting coaching style, buddy.
• Running on a treadmill with a scuba mask on and diving into a giant ice bath? Last night, Wanderlei Silva was sitting in his living room with his conditioning coach, and they were laughing their asses off at the young fighters tricked into taking part in these elaborate pranks disguised as "cutting-edge training methods".
• Why is Shane Nelson getting camera time? Didn't he already get beat? He should be out mowing a lawn somewhere.
• Okay, let me get this straight: Krzysztof Soszynski requests a body bag and the producers don't flip out? Come on. You just know Dana White got a phone call on that one.
• Fiery Brazilian drama between Coach Nogueira and Vinicius Magalhaes alert! Woot-woot! Someone is defintely getting stabbed with one of those giant meat skewers they use at churrascarias.
• Vinny's fight against Jules Bruchez was a solid ten on the "meh" meter.

Broke Dana White Can't Afford Kimbo Slice, Begs Him to Fight for Free on TUF

UFC grand poobah Dana White revealed that his organization could not afford the services of Kimbo Slice, and at UFC 90's post-event press conference White made an impassioned plea to the EliteXC/CBS star that he fight for free on "The Ultimate Fighter". Slice, who's fought in the number one and number three most-watched MMA bouts in US history, earned $700,000 for his last bout (not counting sponsorship money); a standard TUF competitor earns nothing but can keep whatever he manages to steal from the UFC training center. Based on these figures alone, it's highly unlikely someone with Slice's popularity and drawing power would take the step down TUF represents. White, however, sounded hopeful, and even went so far as to issue his trademark interrogative. "Kimbo, do you want to be a broke-ass fighter?"

TUF 8 Analysis: Episode 6

Last night brought us the sixth episode of the TUF 8 season, and we were treated to Junie Browning finally putting his money where his mouth is, coach Mir being a douche, and... wait for it... wait for it... STANKIE!

• Team Noguiera boxing coach Stankie is the best thing to ever happen to SpikeTV. Shouting "Fight, fight, kill, kill!" was just the tip of the iceberg. I just know he was out in the parking lot afterwards smashing windshields with a tire iron, and I have it on good authority that when the Team Mir van was shuttling the fighters back to the TUF house, Stankie tried to run it off the road with his beat-up 1974 Dodge Charger.
• Browning may never know how close to death he came for spitting on that black belt. Word is that Anderson Silva was mad as hell, and to release some of his anger, went over to one of the hanging bags and kicked it. The bag burst into flames.
• Based on his striking and wrestling ability, there's no question Roli Delgado is a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt.
• Although he snagged the split decision, Browning did not impress with that performance. If he ever fights Phillipe Nover, Nover is going to take his head clean off.

TUF 8 Analysis: Episode 5

The fifth episode of TUF 8 saw a lot less alcohol consumption, a lot more of coach Nogueira speaking incoherently, and a quick fight between two light-heavyweights who belong in the minor leagues fighting for a cheap and tacky belt and bragging rights at the local Hooters.

• Junie Browning jumps the cage and threatens Efrain Escudero after Escudero's win. His punishment for this shameful outburst? Dana White shaking his head disapprovingly while simultaneously salivating over his new ticking time bomb/potential ratings goldmine. Frank Mir, please eat this guy already!
• The more I see Stankie stumbling around mumbling like that drunk Vietnam veteran uncle who everyone avoids at family gatherings, the more I like him. I predict the TUF kids are going to wake up one morning and find Stankie passed out on the lawn. That's just a hunch.
• Anderson Silva's guest appearance and subsequent sparring with the TUF kids made me think of a child casually batting around his GI Joe action figures. Only in that scenario, Silva would be the child's parent, and the TUF kids would be the discarded cardboard boxes the action figures came in.
• Coach Nogueira was very endearing going to the TUF house and asking the guys to lay off the pranks. He strikes me as the type of parent that shows up at school asking the bullies to please stop stuffing his son in a locker. Sadly, that always ends up with the son getting stuffed into a trash can instead.

Tonight's ShoXC to Feature More Bribes and Fixed Fights

MMA Journalist has just received a fax from an EliteXC insider regarding tonight's ShoXC event in Hammond, Indiana. The event, which will be broadcast live on Showtime, will feature Dave Herman taking on TUF veteran Kerry Schall, as well as bouts with TUF washout Jason Guida and rising stars Anthony Lapsley and Bubba McDaniel. The fax - deemed to be credible as this source (which will remained unnamed) is a reliable one - seems to list the "under the table" bribes the competitors are receiving to ensure a specific performance. The list is as follows:

• Herman will be paid an additional $5,000 to not reveal why he is called "PeeWee" on national television.
• Schall will be paid an additional $2,000 if he promises to not offer Herman ride in his "Meat Truck".
• Guida will be paid an additional $10,000 if he successfully keeps his scrotum hidden from view.
• Lapsely will receive $500 worth of marijuana if he passes his post-fight drug screening.
• McDaniel will be given a real first name if victorious. Come on, "Bubba"? Seriously?

TUF 8 Analysis: Episode 4

Another episode of TUF, another night of drunken mayhem and coach Nogueira's subtitles.

• Junie Browning is an embarrassment to mixed martial arts. Please, PLEASE choke to death on your own vomit Mr. Browning. You're not even worthy enough to die in battle.
• How do you cut a fellow castmate with a glass and threaten others with a bottle and not get thrown off the show? Dana White, you have shamed us all.
• Was Stankie seen dressed up as a Scotsman during one of the training sessions? If so, that's awesome. Coach Nogueira should also bring in circus clowns and jugglers.
• When do we get to see Phillipe Nover knock someone out?

TUF 8 Analysis: Episode 3

Last night was the third episode of the TUF 8 season, which, based on what we've seen thus far, is a season that will entail a lot of action, coach Nogueira speaking and us not understanding him, and enough drunken antics to make even the most hardened alcoholic say, "Jeez, guys, chill out."

• All your booze belong to Junie Browning. All your stupidity, too.
• Al "Stankie" returns! Few may remember a non-English-speaking Vitor Belfort crying out "Stankie? Stankie?" after he won UFC 12. Ah, the good old days.
• Coach Nogueira thinks some of his guys should open a restaurant based on their cooking skills. In the extra footage that will be available on the TUF 8 DVD, coach Mir takes Krzysztof Soszynski aside and says that, based on his wrapping skills, he should work for UPS.
• Ryan Bader and Tom Lawlor made for a good fight. Seriously. They came to throw down.

TUF 8 Analysis: Episode 2

The second episode of TUF 8: "Team Nogueira vs. Team Mir" graced our television screens last night, with the selection process in full swing and an assortment of hopefuls scrapping for a slot in the TUF house. Thankfully, Dana White's profanity and Minotauro's subtitled dialogue was kept to a minimum.

• Is Frank Mir shouting instructions for both fighters during the fights? Holy confusing, Batman!
• Ido Pariente is the highest-profile fighter Israel has produced. For choking Pariente out, Efrain Escuadero can expect a visit from Mossad sometime soon.
• John "Huggy Bear" Polakowski apparently has no qualms about embracing another man in times of happiness and celebration. Mir, on the other hand, employs a rigid three-second rule. Expect hilarity in upcoming episodes with Polakowski running around the gym with open arms and Mir hiding under the Octagon.
• The preview at the end of the episode provided brief glimpses of the rest of the season, including drunkenness (surprise!), rowdiness (no way!) and Dana White telling the cast to "beat each other off". It looks like TUF's heterosexual leanings will remain intact.