Official Statement from M-1 Global re: Kirill Sidelnikov's Positive Steroid Test

"When M-1 Global learned from the California State Athletic Commission that Kirill Sidelnikov failed his post-fight screening for performance enhancing drugs, we conducted our own investigation and asked Kirill to explain himself.

In preparation for his Affliction bout against Paul 'Big Burrito' Buentello in January, Kirill suffered from severe and painful hemorrhoids. Not wanting to miss any training time leading up to 'Day of Reckoning', Kirill followed the advice of a proctologist not affiliated with M-1 who gave him an enema commonly used in Russia to help treat some of his symptoms. It is M-1's belief that the enema is what contained the Stanozol.

For those who are skeptical of this explanation, we believe Kirill's account is true based in large part to his physique, namely his buttocks. If he had been using large amounts of Stanozol on a regular basis, his buttocks would have contained leaner muscle that had more definition.

While we do not believe the use of the enema provided Kirill with an unfair competitive advantage, we are obviously disappointed in his lapse of judgment. M-1 tales full responsibility for Kirill's actions and we respect the decision of the California State Athletic Commission."

Why No Frank Mir at WEC 39?

Frank Mir is an excellent color commentator who brings a ton of knowledge, experience and credibility to the microphone when he sits cageside for WEC events and waxes prophetic. But he was noticeably absent at Sunday's WEC 39, and while stand-in Jens Pulver was more than up to the task, the question remained: Where was Mir? Says a company insider who asked to remain anonymous, "We'd just decided to bring in flyweights as a new weight class the organization would focus on, and a few of the 125-pounders were flown in to be introduced for the broadcast. Well, somehow they end up in a room with Frank, and the UFC champ eats them." According to the source, this isn't the first time Mir has devoured smaller athletes, but by all accounts those "days of eating anyone under 155 pounds" were behind him. It's unclear at this point if this will affect Mir's role as commentator. Stay tuned for more as the story develops.

Will Strikeforce Ever Come to the East Coast?

Will Strikeforce - the new and improved "We're going to do events on Showtime and CBS! Wahoo!" Strikeforce - ever come to the East Coast? MMA Journalist shot spokesdude Mike Afromowitz an email and got this reply: "We are, in fact, exploring different opportunities for the East Coast for 2009. As you know, we have an increased amount of programming to fulfill this year so we are exploring a number of opportunities." So there you have it.

UFC 96 to Showcase Jim Miller's Hatred of Neutral Colors

Some fighters favor red. Others gravitate toward blue or yellow, or even green. But rising UFC lightweight star Jim Miller, who handily defeated Matt Wiman and David Baron in the Octagon, doesn't care too much about things like that. He does, however, hate neutral colors - which may translate into one heck of a beating for UFC 96 opponent Gray Maynard. "James absolutely cannot stand any hues or shades that evoke drabness," said interior designer Gustav Santosa. "When I re-did his downstairs bathroom, he had few restrictions, but if I showed him a swatch of fabric or a wallpaper sample that had even the slightest dull or dreary undertone... Ooooh, watch out! He would go ballistic!" Adds Santosa, "No grays whatsoever, mister!" UFC 96 airs live on pay-per-view on Saturday night. In addition to the Miller/Maynard main card fight, the event is headlined by a bout between Quinton "Rampage" Jackson and Keith Jardine.

Book Review: "Blood in the Cage: Mixed Martial Arts, Pat Miletich and the Furious Rise of the UFC"

Yeah, so I finally finished L. Jon Wertheim's book "Blood in the Cage: Mixed Martial Arts, Pat Miletich and the Furious Rise of the UFC". It's a decent read - and prose-wise, it's one of the better books written about MMA. As the title implies, Miletich is the lens through which the sport is seen and chronicled, and the timeline stretches from some bully kicking his ass in kindergarten to about four days ago. Did you know that Pat cut so much weight for his UFC 32 bout against Shonie Carter that he needed teammate Tom Sauer to hook him up with some IV fluids snagged from a local emergency room? I did because I was the dude who drove them to that emergency room, but it was interesting to read about these events from someone else's perspective. Which is what Blood in Cage provides. Want more insight from a Sports Illustrated writer's fresh perspective? Get the book. It's worth it.

Observations From My Couch: WEC 39

• "Are you having trouble sleeping? Are you tired of sleepless nights? Try new 'Rob McCullough and Marcus Hicks', a non-narcotic sleep-aid guaranteed to induce slumber. You'll be snoring within minutes. Note: do not drive or operate heavy machinery."
• Was Chris Mickle really the best the WEC could do? Really?
• What happened to the Bart Palaszewski who was a stud in the IFL? Where did he go? I don't recognize this guy in the cage now. I want the old Bartimus back.
• Damacio Page - powerful enough to knock you out, small enough for your child to keep with the rest of her dolls and stuffed animals.
• Leonard Garcia is a beast. Mike Brown is beaster. Or beastier. Or beastiest. Something like that.

Rory Markham Fights with Collapsed Excuse

Miletich-trained fighter Rory Markham, who was felled by British striker Dan Hardy at UFC 95, fought with a collapsed excuse according to statements made by his camp last week. The excuse, which centered around a deflated lung caused by an over 30-pound weight cut, was rendered completely ineffectual when Hardy delivered a knockout punch at a mere minute and nine seconds into the first round. "Rory is a warrior," said a spokesperson from Markham's camp. "And if, in that UFC 95 co-main event, he had needed to inhale and exhale more than eight times, that whole lung thing would've made for a great excuse. Maybe next time."

WEC 39 Fun Facts

The "Little League World Championships of Mixed Martial Arts" (a.k.a., WEC 39) is Sunday night on the Versus channel, and the Corpus Christi, Texas event features featherweight champ Mike "Holy Cow I Beat Urijah Faber?!" Brown defending his belt against Leonard Garcia. Here are some fun facts MMA Journalist has compiled concerning the event:

• Garcia's success in the sport has led to a dramatic rise in his popularity within the drug mule community. There's even a dusty and trash-strewn path through the New Mexico desert named after him.
• Brown still can't believe he defeated Urijah Faber. To remind himself, he's had the side of his van painted with a colorful mural depicting the WEC 36 TKO win - although in the mural Brown is dressed as a wizard and Faber is a giant dragon wearing a nameplate that says "Urijah".
• Bart Palaszewski's last name is actually a shortened version of his family name. On his birth certificate, his last name is listed as "Palaszewskidgnsklnaseit93^%O)kd".
• Rob McCullough has never seen an adult video.
• Jose Aldo's striking is so feared, the trainer who holds his focus mitts must attend therapy three times a week.

Random News & Notes

• Tim Sylvia will be facing Ray Mercer in a boxing match at Adrenaline's May 30th Atlantic City show. Did you honestly think the New Jersey State Athletic Control Board would sanction the two for an MMA bout?
• Tara LaRosa announced today that she'll be fighting at Extreme Challenge's March 28th show at Trump Marina in Atlantic City. No opponent has been named, but it's assumed it will be a female.
• Check out http://www.mmamemories.com/history/flashback-to-ufc-38-the-promotions-first-uk-show/ . The author really sounds like he knows his stuff. Do you think he was actually there?

Rich Crunkilton Injured Trying to Pronounce Bart Palaszewski's Name; Replaced by Ricardo Lamas

Florida-based fighter Rich Crunkilton, scheduled to face Bart Palaszewski at WEC 39, has injured himself trying to pronounce his opponent's name and is now unable to fight. His replacement will be Ricardo Lamas, grandson of B-List actor Lorenzo Lamas. "Igh urt mah tugh," said Crunkilton in a phone interview. "Dah doctahs tink ib bwoken." At this time it's unclear how long the veteran fighter will be out with this injury. Sunday night's WEC 39 will be headlined by a featherweight championship match-up between title holder Mike Brown and challenger (and former drug mule) Leonard Garcia, and the Corpus Christi, Texas event will be broadcast live on the "Versus" cable channel.