Observations From My Couch: UFC Fight Night 19

• Maybe there was some sort of grand coincidence where everyone had a mortgage or car payment due, but it seemed like just about the entire main card was going balls-out to secure that "Fight of the Night" bonus. And yes, that's a good thing.
• Nate "The Get Mauled But Still Beat The Hell Out Of You Rock" Quarry.
• For a first timer, Jake Ellenberger sure didn't hesitate to pound the crap out of Carlos Condit. He definitely belongs in the Octagon.
• Because of the beating he took and the ability he showed in recovering and coming back to win, Condit never looked better. He, too, belongs in the Octagon.
• As last fights on contracts go, Roger Huerta kinda went out with style. He blasted Gray Maynard more than a few times, avoided the "Human Blanket" and refused to tap when his arm was nearly ripped out of its socket. He's going to make a great addition to Strikeforce's roster and will likely end up their champ.
• Melvin Guillard: so much talent and raw ability, so much suck.

Predictions for UFC Fight Night 19: "Nate Diaz vs. Easy Submission Win To Salvage His Career"

UFC Fight Night 19 is nearly upon us, and the show - titled "Nate Diaz vs. Easy Submission Win To Salvage His Career" - will feature TUF 5 winner Diaz against Melvin Guillard, a veritable grappling dummy that loves to throw big punches and do mountains of cocaine. The SpikeTV-broadcast event will serve as a lead-in for the eagerly anticipated TUF 10 debut episode, and if UFC Fight Night 19's card is of any indication, the network's executives really don't give a crap who is fighting on their channel, only that someone is. So... predictions!

• In the Nate Quarry vs. Tim Credeur bout, the two elder statesmen will fight. Or maybe sit around and talk about the good old days while calling the younger fighters on the card whippersnappers. Then they'll leave to catch the early bird special at the buffet, and go to bed around 7pm.
• Carlos Condit will defeat Jake Ellenberger. Afterwards, he'll go home, root around in his closet, pull out the WEC championship belt he threw there in shame after his last UFC bout, dust it off, and put it back in its display case on the wall in his living room.
• Gray Maynard is going to dry-hump Roger Huerta so vigorously, Huerta is going to show up at Xtreme Couture in nine months with a baby in his arms and say to Maynard, "Gray, you're a daddy. Let's make this work for his sake."
• It really doesn't matter who wins between Diaz and Guillard. What does matter is the ungodly amounts of weed and blow that will be found at their afterparty.

Observations From My Couch: UFC Fight Night 18

• I'm not ashamed to say the UFC's tribute to Charles Lewis, aka "Mask", had me teary-eyed. Thank you, Zuffa. Really.
• Cole Miller may have won, but Junie Browning got the last laugh. His fans found Miller's car in the parking lot and painted Confederate flags all over it.
• When Rafael dos Anjos caught Tyson Griffin in that heretofore unseen calf-crusher, Helio Gracie turned to Japanese judo legend Masahiko Kimura in Heaven and said, "Dude! Did you see that?"
• Ryan Bader defeated Carmelo Marrero by... Bader won with... A priest, a rabbi and Ryan Bader walk into a bar... Man, I just don't care enough about Bader to make something up about him. Sorry.
• Carlos Condit deserves a ton of credit for giving Martin Kampmann such a good fight. I still believe the caliber of WEC fighters pales in comparison to the UFC (by far), but Condit is tough as hell and has a bright future in the Octagon.

Predictions for UFN 18: "Condit vs. the Harsh Reality That Fighters in the WEC Weren't Exactly the Best"

Tonight is another harrowing installment of UFC Fight Night, which will serve as the prelude to the opening episode of "The Ultimate Fighter - Season Eleven Quabillion". On deck is WEC welterweight champ Carlos Condit taking on Danish fighter Martin Kampmann, which should be a real test for Condit and an excellent gauge as to where WEC champs rank amongst "real" fighters. An interesting sidenote about WEC champs: to get credentials for UFC events, they have to perform chores backstage; Condit is actually well-known for his backrubs. And now, on to the predictions.

• In the main event bout between Condit and Kampmann, Condit is going to lose.
• When Condit squares off against the former UFC middleweight fighter, he's going to realize in dramatic fashion that the WEC fighters he faced weren't exactly the best fighters out there.
• Condit is going to get smoked like a cheap, poorly-rolled joint behind the cafeteria during study hall.
• "Carlos, don't do it! You're going to die!"
• As William Shakespeare once said, "Frailty, thy name is Condit."
• Carlos Condit is not only not going to win, but he's also going to lose.

Carlos Condit Injury So Grave an Entire WEC Weight Class is Scrapped

WEC welterweight champ Carlos Condit's rematch with Brock Larson has been scrapped due to injury, an injury so grave that the entire WEC 170-pound class has been scrapped because of it. "Mr. Condit suffered a tear in his 'Big Fish in a Little Pond' tendon," said a spokesperson for the organization, an organization that specializes in hobbit- to rodent-sized MMA athletes. "It's a serious injury, one that can irreparably damage a fighter's credibility, so Carlos - along with everyone else in the welterweight division - will have to prove their worth elsewhere. It's for their own safety." Condit has already been signed to face Marvin Kampmann at UFN 18 on April 1st, with the presumption being that a dose of Octagon medicine is just what the doctor ordered. MMA Journalist wishes the WEC champ a speedy recovery.

Ultimate Warrior Challenge: "Confrontation" Report

MMA Journalist reporter Adam Butterworth was on hand at the Ultimate Warrior Challenge in Fairfax, Virginia this past weekend to catch Washington, D.C.'s biggest (and only) MMA show. Urijah Faber and Carlos Condit were in attendance, TUF veteran Antwon Britt scored a quick knockout, badass Mike Easton squeaked by with a split decision, and ROC champ Binky Jones lost to Kyle Baker. "The show was awesome," said Adam. "Some terrific fights." Apparently, there were some terrific ring card girls, too.

Observations from My Couch: WEC 35

-Microscopic East Coast dude defeated microscopic West Coast dude. Does the WEC care that I don't know who these people are? Probably not. -Jamie Varner beat Marcus Hicks senseless in the first defense of his lightweight crown. Varner retains his title as "the best 155-pounder out there not good enough for the UFC". -Steve Cantwell's versatile striking is more powerful than Brian Stann, the Marine Corps, the United States, freedom, liberty and apple pie combined. Cantwell is now the WEC's light-heavyweight champ. Does this mean Communism has prevailed? -Josh Grispi and Brock Larson. Youch. Nice ones, guys. -Welterweight champ Carlos Condit defeated Hiromitsu Miura after a prolonged and epic battle that lasted into the fourth round. Condit managed this feat despite having really sucky judo skills.