Observations From My Couch: UFC 100

• The robbery perpetrated in the rendering of the decision for the Yoshihiro Akiyama/Alan Belcher fight was so blatant and egregious that Akiyama now has a felony on his record.
• Dan Henderson may have landed a huge, crowd-pleasing knockout, but he did fans everywhere a great disservice. No way are we going to be able to understand what Michael Bisping says now.
• Next on Ultimate Grip Fighting Championship: Jon Fitch vs. Paulo Thiago. Who will come out on top in the meticulous and pain-staking battle to do nothing but place their hands on various strategic parts of their opponent's body? Stay tuned!
• Georges St. Pierre looked dominant, but that groin injury he sustained was inevitable. No one can dry hump someone for 25 minutes without injuring themselves. No one.
• Coors Lite and banging your wife, eh? Brock, are you telling us this because you feel insecure about that dingling tattooed on your chest? Methinks the wrestler doth protest too much.

Mac Danzig to Become First TUF Winner Booted from UFC

Noted vegan and gross underperformer Mac Danzig is slated to become the first TUF winner to be cut from the UFC's roster, as the TUF 6 veteran will be facing New Jersey grappling stud Jim Miller in a lightweight undercard bout on Saturday night's UFC 100 event - a match-up Danzig is destined to lose via submission. The loss will be Danzig's third in a row, bringing his Octagon record to a dismal 1-3 and painting him as the clear-cut winner in the Danzig/Joe Stevenson/Kendall Grove "Race to Suckville". When asked about the honor to be bestowed upon him as the first TUF winner given the boot, Danzig replied: "Guys, please, meat is murder. Team Tofu all the way."

Based on Statement from Sketchy Agent, Anthony Johnson Arrested for Murder, Treason and Human Trafficking

Anthony "Rumble" Johnson has been arrested, and while details of the situation remain murky, a statement issued by his sketchy agent, Ken Pavia, indicate that the UFC fighter may be facing charges of murder, treason and human trafficking. The statement reads in part, "On June 27 Mr. Johnson was arrested in Hayward, California, and charged with misdemeanors stemming from an alleged altercation with an ex-girlfriend." As this comes from Pavia, a well-known silver-tongued vampire often found lurking in the rafters of UFC events waiting to prey upon the innocent, it can be inferred that Johnson was in fact arrested for crimes most serious. The statement further reads, "These charges are completely outside the realm of Mr. Johnson's character" - a sure indication that the man who defeated Tommy Speer, Kevin Burns and Luigi Fioravanti in the Octagon was a ticking timebomb set to explode at any time, and perhaps even a criminal mastermind responsible for the deaths of countless of hapless victims. MMA Journalist will have more as this story develops.

Predictions for UFC 100: "Ultimate Actually Worth the $44.99 for the Pay-Per-View"

UFC 100 is nearly upon us, and the event - dubbed "Ultimate Actually Worth the $44.99 for the Pay-Per-View" - might actually be worth the clams shelled out to watch the damn thing. There are about two and a half main events, with Brock Lesnar and Frank Mir squaring off, Georges St. Pierre and Thiago Alves doing their thang, and Michael Bisping and Dan Hend... zzzzzz. Ahem, anyway, predictions!

• Brock, oh Brock. Brockety-Brock. Brock-brock-brock-bakaw! Brock-the-house, brock-brock-the-house. Brock-and-roll forever, baby!
• Oh yeah, Mir by submission.
• As Alves is more of a striker than a grappler, St. Pierre's technique of slathering himself with Vaseline, baby oil, raw petroleum and margarine will avail him naught. Alves by TKO, and St. Pierre will leave the Octagon a broken man, comforted only by the loving snorts of his moose, Matilda.
• Dan Henderson is getting old but is still tougher than a $2 steak. Bisping's greatest moment was his gritty portrayal of Pikey Number 4 in the movie "Snatch". Hendo by split decision.
• Congratulations Paulo Thiago, you've defeated Josh Koscheck! Your reward: a fatal beating at the hands of Jon Fitch! Yay!
• Yoshihiro Akiyama by JUDO CHOP! Hiyaaa!

Brock Lesnar Revealed to be "The Juggernaut" and Promptly Arrested; UFC 100 Bout in Jeopardy

Heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar, whose massive frame was set to grace the Octagon on Saturday night to face interim champ Frank Mir, has been revealed to be "The Juggernaut", a notorious criminal wanted for an assortment of bank robberies and the wanton destruction of millions of dollars in property. The revelation - a shock to those within the MMA community - has since led to Lesnar's arrest by Las Vegas authorities. This has left the Lesnar/Mir UFC 100 match-up in jeopardy, and leaves Zuffa brass in the awkward position of having to post bail or else lose their main event. As the Juggernaut, Lesnar has clashed with the outlaw band of mutants the X-Men a number of times, and has even faced off against the Incredible Hulk, with his invulnerability and seemingly limitless strength making him an extremely difficult villian to battle against. When detained by the Las Vegas Police Department and asked to identify himself, Lesnar's response purportedly was a curt "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch". Stay tuned for more as this story develops.

Article Link

Instead of watching SpikeTV's "100 Greatest UFC Fights of All Time as Decided by the UFC", check out this article by Bleacher Report. It's part one of a series. http://bleacherreport.com/articles/212643-the-100-greatest-fights-in-mma-history-fights-100-76

Dana White to Be Inducted Into UFC Hall of Fame Twice

UFC Chief Megalomaniac Dana White announced last night via Twitter that he will be inducted into the UFC's Hall of Fame twice, with a formal ceremony taking place at UFC 100 at the Mandalay Bay Events Center in Las Vegas on Saturday night. The tweet, which read "!@#&*%$#!@?/&*%$!", put to rest months of rumors and speculation about who was worthy of those two coveted Hall of Fame spots, and for his role as center of the MMA universe, it should come as no surprise that "The Bald and Vulgar One" would get the nod. Previously inducted Hall of Fame members include Dana White, Dana White, and a bunch of fighters who think that Dana White is awesome.

Destitute WEC Champs to Borrow Money from Bellator FC Champs to Pay Rent

WEC champs Mike Brown and Miguel Torres, as well as former featherweight champ and poster boy Urijah Faber, have announced their intention to borrow money from Bellator Fighting Championship title-holders Joe Soto, Eddie Alvarez, Lyman Good and Hector Lombard, with the cash being used for rent, food and to purchase items like clothes and toothpaste. The move comes as no surprise to those aware of the pay disparity between WEC champs and Bellator champs. For winning three bouts in their respective weight class tournaments, Soto, Alvarez, Good and Lombard each earned $175,000; for their efforts in the Zuffa-owned WEC, Brown, Torres and Faber were paid a can of baked beans, a torn sweater and a half-used pack of Camel-brand cigarettes (non-filtered). "Really, what can you do?" said Brown from a cardboard box beneath the I-95 overpass in Miami, where he spends most of his time talking to imaginary friends and sipping Boone's Farm. "We bust our asses for a top-level promotion and make peanuts. Those Bellator guys? They're making bank!" Added Torres from his spot around a flaming garbage can in an abandoned lot in Chicago's South Side, skewered rat in hand: "My mullet's gotta eat."

Rest in Peace Billy Craparo

Northeast MMA has lost one of its pioneers, as former Pitts Penn fighter Billy Craparo has passed away. A capable slugger and competent grappler, Craparo once waged a stand-up war with Fight Factory's Judah Ciervo at BAMA FightNight and later submitted Rhino Fight Team's Jay Coleman at a Ring of Combat - two promotions that pretty much covered the spectrum of the Garden State MMA scene, and two examples of how Craparo was a part of it all along. It's a tight-knit community out here, and Craparo will be sorely missed.

A Plug for the Wiseass Sites Out There

I'm not ashamed to say this blog was inspired by the snarkiness of www.Gawker.com , and I would be lying if I said I didn't read www.Fightlinker.com every day. But a site called www.Squabbles.com is angling in on that inherent wiseass aspect of human nature too. I dig it, and it's worth checking out.