Of Zombies and Dark Magic

Rumors are circulating that ProElite is very close to being bought, and that Zombie EliteXC will rise to shamble around and give us more MMA bouts, so MMA Journalist would like to talk about the concept of zombies and the dark magic that creates them. First, a little history: in 2000 the UFC was owned by Bob Meyrowitz and his company, Semaphore Entertainment Group, and as everyone knows the organization was close to death - so close, in fact, that Meyrowitz was interested in selling and (supposedly) people like Monte Cox and promoter Jamie Levine were considering pooling their dough to buy it. Why? The UFC had grown into a brand, which meant that it was a potentially viable product with solid public recognition, and given the right guidance it could, at some point, make money. Of course, we all know that Zuffa came in and turned the whole organization around, but the thing to take away from that is branding can give something a life of its own - a soul, if you will - and sometimes death will hold little sway over it. Well, with EliteXC's Showtime and CBS contracts and its roster of fighters and other assets, the damn thing developed a soul. After all, the number one and number three most-watched MMA bouts in US history took place in EliteXC's cage - the public knows it as a product. Death, or bankruptcy, will ultimately hold little sway over it, and all it should take is a little dark magic (in the form of some decent lawyers, a buyer and a strong staff) before EliteXC rises from its grave to chomp on us again. Personally, I will relish the bite.

Observations from My Couch: WEC 37

• Joseph Benavidez and Danny Martinez did not impress. But I guess that's why we have a fast-forward button on our DVR, right?
• You have to have a real solid grasp of jiu-jitsu and submission grappling to have appreciated Wagnney Fabiano's chess match with Akitoshi Tamura - which is a shame, because it was a great fight to watch in that regard.
• Based on his performance, there's no question Fabiano is going to give Mike Brown, Urijah Faber and Leonard Garcia a tough time.
• Did Brian Bowles earn a title shot against Miguel Torres with his defeat of Will Ribeiro? I hope not. Bowles showed he's got nothing Torres need worry about.
• Not only did Torres beat Manny Tapia convincingly, but he beat Tapia convincingly at Tapia's own game. Now THAT'S what a champion is made of.

TUF 8 Analysis: Episodes 11 & 12

The last two episodes were aired back to back, and they featured the final four match-ups to decide who makes it to the finale. Stankie more or less remained on the back burner for them, which is just as well, as Junie Browning was there to satisfy the "crazy" quotient.

• Ryan Bader is nonstop excitement and in his bout with Eliot Marshall he showed a wide range of mixed martial arts skills.
• Good Lord am I kidding. That performance was all suck, all the time.
• How well-rounded is Phillipe Nover? After tapping George Roop out with a kimura, he gave Roop a post-fight medical examination in the locker room - and then prescribed him pain medication for his shoulder!
• Krzysztof Soszynski introduced an interesting formula. He stated that one punch turns a jiu-jitsu black belt into a brown belt, and one combination can turn that same fighter into a white belt. What does a kick turn that black belt into? A purple belt? What about a knee to the midsection? A judo throw? An elbow to the jaw?
• I don't know what's worse: Browning's disgraceful actions in the house or Dana White's disgraceful decision to let him stay.
• The episode ended with coach Nogueira shaving coach Mir's head. This little bit of hairstyling coupled with White's "beat him off" comment is why TUF night is huge in gay bars across the nation.

Things That Won't Happen at WEC 37

WEC 37: "Torres vs. Tapia" airs live on the "Versus" channel tonight, and the four-bout main card features eight fighters ranging in weight from 134 pounds to 146 pounds. Do you think those seven guys 145 pounds and under call the 146-pound fighter fat? Like, maybe when they're all at that restaurant inside the Las Vegas Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, and the 146 pounder orders a Caesar salad with grilled chicken, do you think they chant "Fatty-fatty, two-by-four, couldn't get through the bathroom door"? Ponder that. In the meantime, here's a list of things that won't happen at WEC 37:

• To honor their Hispanic heritage, Joseph Benavidez and Danny Martinez will not partake in a siesta between rounds.
• Alex Karalexis will not pause during his bout against Bart Palaszewksi to admire the Midwest fighter's collection of tattoos.
• Regardless of whether they win or lose, fans will still have no idea who Brian Bowles and Will Ribeiro are after their bout.
• Miguel Torres will prove once again that he is the best 135-pound fighter in the world, and whenever he's shown on camera at a Zuffa event, casual MMA fans around the globe will still not applaud.

Matt Wiman Destined to Lose to a New Jersey Fighter on December 10th One Way or Another

Matt Wiman, who was slated to face Toms River native Frankie Edgar at the UFC's December 10th "Fight for the Troops" event on SpikeTV until Edgar suffered a training injury, will now face Whippany-based Jim Miller - a fighter who, like Edgar, dominated the East Coast rankings before graduating to the Octagon. The change of opponents proves that fate has designs on Wiman's future, and those designs include losing to a New Jersey fighter one way or another. Said Wiman, who hails from Oklahoma but has reportedly visited the Garden State to hide bodies and dump his garbage, "Jeez, what did I do to deserve this?"

TUF Viewing Party with Phillipe Nover

Once again another season of "The Ultimate Fighter" draws to a close, and once again TUF 8 competitor and rising star Phillipe Nover is having a viewing party. Details can be found at Phillipe's blog here - http://phillipenover.blogspot.com/2008/11/dec-3rd-viewing-party.html . The last one was a blast. Everyone at the Aviation Recreation Center sports bar went bananas when Phillipe was shown eating urine-soaked fruit in that episode, and tonight's episode promises more TUF house shenanigans plus the first-ever decapitation in the Octagon. Wahoo!

Eddie Alvarez to Satifsy "Punching People in the Face" Addiction with Two Fights in 23 Days

Eddie Alvarez, the heavy-handed Philadelphia slugger who made a splash on the international stage this past year by wrecking Joachim Hansen, Andre "Dida" Amade and Tatsuya Kawajiri, will take on submission ace Shinya Aoki at FEG's "Dynamite!" show in Japan on New Years Eve, and he'll follow that up with a January 23rd bout at Extreme Challenge's "War at the Shore" in Atlantic City. That's one heck of an ambitious schedule for a top ten lightweight, as 23 days an exceedingly short amount of time for a fighter to recover from any injuries and return to peak shape, but Alvarez suffers from an addiction to punching people in the face (clinical term: "Punching People in the Face" Syndrome, or PPitFS). Said a spokesman from Alvarez's camp, "We're still trying to get Eddie help. But PPitFS is a serious condition, and if left unchecked, Eddie could simply explode. Obviously we don't want that, so he's taking these fights."

DC Promotion Puts Itself on the Map with Top Level Match-Up

Washington, DC-based promotion Ultimate Warrior Challenge announced yesterday that its next show will feature a bantamweight match-up between former WEC champ Chase Beebe and local superstar Mike Easton - a bout that suddenly puts the UWC on the map in terms of its status as a high-level organization, as Beebe vs. Easton could easily headline a WEC or Shooto event. Dubbed "Man 'O' War", the February 21st UWC installment will take place at the Patriot Center at George Mason University in Northern Virginia, and will be streamed live on http://Sherdog.com . Expect MMA Journalist to liveblog this one - it would be a crime to not see this fight in person.

Archaic New Jersey Regulation Allowing for Instant Shakespearian Replays in MMA Bouts Utilized at New Breed Fighters

The super-welterweight title bout between Joel Roberts and Ryan Vaccaro ended in controversy at last week's New Breed Fighters November 26th amateur event at the House of Blues in Atlantic City, and for the first time ever an archaic New Jersey State regulation allowing for instant replays in an MMA bout was utilized. The rule, invoked by New Jersey Chief of Dramatics Nick Lembo, requires a re-enactment of the bout with the competitors assuming roles from the works of William Shakespeare - in this instance, with Roberts and Vaccaro playing Tybalt and Mercutio from "Romeo and Juliet", respectively. As Roberts screamed "Have at thee, coward!" and Vaccaro decried "A plague o' both your houses!" it was determined that Roberts' rendition was truer to what "The Bard" had intended. Roberts was subsequently awarded the win. Said Lembo of this groundbreaking occurrence, "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women are merely players."

WEC 37 Title Bout to be Broadcast in Microvision (tm)

The WEC 37 title bout between incumbent champ Miguel Torres and challenger Manny Tapia, a contest in the ultra-small "molecule weight class", will be broadcast on the "Versus" channel in Microvision (tm) according to a WEC press release. Microvision (tm) utilizes a microscope lens affixed to a television camera, which will enable fans to see the flea-sized Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt Torres hunt for submissions and the undefeated Tapia do... whatever it is he does in a fight. "We're really fortunate to have secured a Microvision (tm) lens," says producer Derek Mason-Gimble. "I mean, otherwise, how else would fans know what's going on when these really, really tiny mixed martial artists fight?" WEC 37 will air live on December 3th, and it will also feature the organizational debut of IFL champ Wagnney Fabiano.