WEC to Ditch Human-Sized Weight Classes and Focus on Anything Hobbit-Sized and Smaller

The WEC, home of champion hamster Urijah Faber and some of the best "little fellas" in mixed martial arts, will reportedly be getting rid of their heavier 185-pound and 205-pound weight classes some time in the future. This means the following changes will be implemented:

• Middleweight champ Paulo Filho and light-heavyweight golden boy Brian Stann will migrate to the UFC, where they'll promptly be killed by legitimate competition.
• The cage will be fitted with a giant magnifying glass so viewers can better see the action within and the combatants.
• Two new divisions - the microscopic division and the molecular division - will be added.
• Events will be hosted at the Hard Rock Hotel in Munchkinland, Oz. Also, the Shire.
• Frank Mir will no longer interview the bout winner then turn around and eat the loser.

Rumor: CBS Wants to See Other People

A New York Post article this weekend put forth the rumor that CBS is unhappy with EliteXC and maybe wants to see other people, a rumor that stems from that party CBS and EliteXC threw in July where EliteXC totally got drunk and put a lampshade on its head and threw up in the downstairs bathroom. CBS was apparently pretty displeased that night and promptly friended the UFC on Facebook, and the two have been flirting online ever since. No word yet on how much truth there is to all this, but one thing is for sure: CBS is one fickle wench. All it takes is an awesome Kimbo Slice/Ken Shamrock shindig and the Tiffany Network would go back to holding EliteXC's hand in public and letting the promotion feel it up in the back row of the movie theater.

Couture Back with UFC Thanks to Failure of Scorpion King 2 at Box Office

According to published reports, UFC heavyweight legend Randy Couture will return to the UFC with a new three-fight deal, and may be facing Brock Lesnar in his first bout back. Couture left the promotion last year to focus on his acting - specifically, a starring role as "Sargon" in "Scorpion King 2: Rise of a Warrior" - with the idea that his popularity as a fighter would translate into popularity on the big screen. It did not, and Scorpion King 2's failure at the box office has apparently forced Couture back into the arms of "Dana White and Lorenzo Fertita - the only people who really understand me". A press conference for the official announcement is slated for this afternoon.

Rampage Pleads Not Guilty, Plans to Use Chewbacca Defense

Quinton "Rampage" Jackson pleaded not guilty to the two felony and three misdemeanor charges filed against him by the Orange County District Attorney yesterday, and his lawyer hinted at the former UFC light-heavyweight champ's possible defense strategy. "We're going to use the 'Chewbacca Defense'," said Robert Orenthal, Esq. outside the Santa Ana, California courthouse after the proceedings. "I mean, Mr. Jackson is very Wookie-like and he's never been to Endor. And that has absolutely nothing to do with anything in the case - so it just might work."

Couture to Waitress: "Maybe I Will Have the Scrambled Eggs"

This just in: heavyweight champ and erstwhile UFC star Randy Couture is in talks with the waitress at a local Denny's over the possibility of ordering scrambled eggs. As most may recall, Couture walked away from his last scrambled eggs breakfast, saying, "This isn't the dish for me. I'd rather have oatmeal." Multiple sources close to the fighter, speaking exclusively to MMA Journalist, said today that Couture is indeed willing to try scrambled eggs once more, perhaps even before the end of the year. However, Couture himself could not be reached for comment, and it's unknown if the waitress at Denny's is even considering the option at this point.

Underground Profile: Josh Candon

At the last Underground Combat League show, New Generation Karate 172-pounder Josh Candon made short work of his opponent thanks to a blazing left hook and a smooth transition into a rear naked choke. But really, that's just par for the course for the former Marine Corp hand-to-hand combat instructor, who's amassed a spotless 4-0 record in his time in the UCL. "New Generation is a Goju Karate school but they have a fight team that's an MMA fight team," says the 29-year-old warrior of his training. "We really do bang on each other good."

Brett Rogers Struggles to Remain Relevant

Brett Rogers, who was passed over as an opponent for Kimbo Slice for EliteXC's October 4th event, sent a tear-stained letter to http://fiveouncesofpain.com/ yesterday blasting Slice and Ken Shamrock (who Rogers alleges took his slot on the prime time CBS fight show). An excerpt from the letter reads: "Wah! Wah! *Sniff-sniff* Boo-hoo! Wah! He ain't street! Wah! *Sniffle* Wah!" Kudos to Rogers for remaining relevant both in and out of the cage.

Trainer Confirms Fighter is Preparing for Next Fight

This week a trainer confirmed that his fighter is indeed preparing for his next fight, despite neither trainer nor fighter knowing the identity of the opponent. "We're not totally sure who it's going to be," said the trainer. "But you know how this business is. When the big show says fight, you have to go out there and give it your all." Speaking from his gym, the trainer mentioned the possibility that the rematch fans have been clamoring for would be next - but he was quick to reiterate that he really didn't know for sure. "Seriously, man, I don't know."

Rampage Formally Charged for Rampage

Former UFC champ Quinton "Rampage" Jackson was formally charged by the Orange County Dristrict Attorney for his July 15th car chase yesterday. In the July 15th incident, Jackson allegedly drove on a sidewalk in Costa Mesa, fled from police, and damaged other motor vehicles. The charges are as follows: one felony count of "sodomy by car", one felony count of "unlawful use of Xyience", two misdemeanor counts of "failing to make TUF 7 interesting", and one misdemeanor count of "losing to Forrest Griffin". If convicted, Jackson could face up to three years on the UFC's undercard.

Wanted: Someone Stupid

Are you stupid, willing to fight for free, and ready to get toyed with and tapped out like a fool? Tuff-N-Uff, a Las Vegas-based amateur MMA promotion, is on the hunt for a light-heavyweight opponent for Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt Robert Drysdale (yes, the same Robert Drysdale who won the Abu Dhabi World Championships absolute division last year and who teaches grappling at Xtreme Couture). The event is slated for October 17th. For those unwilling to face one of the best submission specialists in the world, there are other options. Former heavyweight boxing champ Mike Tyson is also looking to make his amateur MMA debut at the event, as are Olympic Judo gold medalist Kosei Inoue and Olympic Greco-Roman wrestling gold medalist Aslanbek Khushtov. Again, anyone willing to face these world-class athletes in an unpaid amateur MMA bout should contact Tuff-N-Uff immediately.