Rich Franklin Finds Home at 205 Beating Up the Handicapped

Rich Franklin, the UFC middleweight champ until Anderson Silva beat him effortlessly and mercilessly two years ago, has found a new home for himself in the organization's 205-pound division. Defeating some deaf dude by TKO at UFC 88, Franklin seemed to have regained the fire Silva had stomped out of him - and he appears to have carved out a niche for himself as the "go to" light-heavyweight opponent for all handicapped fighters. "He looked great in there," said UFC Vice President of Talent Exploitation Joe Silva. "The fans responded to his win against that guy who can't hear anything. I think I'm going to put Rich in against a blind guy next, and then maybe someone in a wheelchair."

Rest In Peace Evan Tanner

Former UFC middleweight champ Evan Tanner was found dead in the California desert yesterday, the likely victim of exposure and dehydration. Known for his heart in the cage and his adventurous and untamed spirit outside of it, the 37-year-old Tanner was on a solo camping trip and had recently blogged about the perils he was going to face. His last venture into the Octagon was on June 21st, where he lost a split decision to Kendall Grove. Rest in peace, Evan Tanner. You will be missed.

Fox 5 News to Expose "Secret Fight Club"

Fox 5 News, a local New York City news affiliate, will air a segment on the Big Apple's Underground Combat League tonight. The segment, called "Secret Fight Club", was filmed at the last UCL event - an event that saw two decapitations as well as one fighter ripping out another's spine and yelling "Fatality!" Expect a fair and balanced report with absolutely zero sensationalism.

God Declares WEC an Abomination, Sends Hurricane

Taking a stand against what He describes as an "abomination of little people fighting", God has sent Hurricane Ike to the South Florida/Gulf Coast region, forcing the postponement of September 10th's WEC 36 event at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Hollywood, Florida to November 5th. "This isn't the first time this has happened," says WEC chief midget wrangler Reed Harris. "God sent down a plague of locusts and made it rain frogs when we did shows in Lemoore, and he turned the water at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas into blood. We just reschedule and keep going." WEC 36 will feature champion hamster Urijah Faber defending his belt against leprechaun Mike Brown, as well as a rematch between Paulo Filho and Chael Sonnen.

Liddell Succumbs to a Lifetime of Strippers and Group Sex

A lifetime of indulging in strippers and group sex has finally caught up to Chuck Liddell. At UFC 85 on Saturday night, the former light-heavyweight champ fell to TUF 2 winner Rashad Evans' overhand right - a shocking end to a bout most thought the mohawked warrior should have won. "It was the sex," said a source within the Liddell camp that asked to remain anonymous. "Chuck was focused, in great shape, and down to having intercourse with only two women a day. But right before the show we found him in the shower with four groupies, a Penthouse Pet and a cheerleader for the Atlanta Falcons. It was all downhill from there." No word yet on where Liddell goes from here, but it's clear his bid for the UFC's 205-pound title has been delayed.

Bouts to Watch at Ring of Combat 21

Lou Neglia's Ring of Combat 21 is almost upon us. The event, slated for September 12th in Atlantic City with a live broadcast on HDNet Fights, will feature welterweight and light-heavyweight championship contests, but there are definitely a few other bouts on the card worth a closer look. Who is destined to shake up the Northeast rankings? Who will emerge as the East Coast's next big star? What match-up is going to rock your world? Man, how should I know. Just keep an eye on these fighters and fights:

• At light-heavyweight, IFL vet Brendan Barrett will be taking on striker Constantinos Phillippou. Barrett's got an impressive resume and a wealth of skills in all areas, but Phillippou is part of Team Serra/Longo's next generation of badasses - and he came really close to earning a decision against 205-pound top dog Ricardo Romero in his MMA debut. Expect these two to trade some serious leather.
• At welterweight, BCX champ Greg Soto returns to action (he's been sidelined with a shoulder injury for a while) to face Doug Gordon. Soto is a wrestling machine, a capable jiu-jitsu guy, and a handful for anyone, whereas Gordon is strong as hell, not shy about dispensing a beating, and by far Soto's toughest test to date. This one is going to be all about who can stay on top and impose their game plan.
• At middleweight, Team Serra/Longo vet James Gabert returns to battle Team Tiger Schulmann brawler Nissim Levy. Both men are skilled on the ground, but if they were presented with a buffet that included big plates of armbars, leglocks and chokes, they'd choose healthy portions of "punches to the face" and go back for seconds and thirds.
• At welterweight, New Jersey MMA pioneer Jose Rodriguez will square off against ROC Tournament of Champions winner Marc Stevens. Rodriguez has heavy hands, Stevens has great wrestling, and by the end someone is going to wind up bleeding or unconscious. Maybe both.

The UFC Really, Really, Really, Really Wants Brock Lesnar to Be Champ

During yesterday's UFC-hosted conference call announcing Randy Couture's return to the organization, High Exalted One Dana White announced a November 15th match-up between the fighting legend and relative MMA newcomer Brock Lesnar for Couture's heavyweight belt (with Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira's interim title apparently worth as much as a cheesy paperweight bought at a retired postal worker's yard sale). The message here is clear: the UFC really, really, really, really wants Lesnar to be champ. No, like REALLY wants him to be champ. Nevermind that he was 1-0 before entering the UFC, that he lost to Frank Mir in his Octagon debut, and that he only had to defeat Heath Herring to earn his shot at the belt - the "Superbowl of Mixed Martial Arts" wants Lesnar to have every possibly opportunity to be their star heavyweight. And regardless of how many other more-skilled, experienced and worthy contenders there are, you must not question it.

Chuck Liddell Hopes to... No, No, I Can't Do It

What the heck is the deal with all the lame article titles nowadays? Has the creative well run dry in the world of MMA sportswriting? A brief glance at the main pages of a few top newsites yields such gems as "Fighter Ready for Other Fighter", "Dude Ready for Dude", "So and So Looking to Win at UFC Whatever", and my personal favorite, "Ridiculously Obvious Statement as Title". Is this what it has come to? Or are the regular staff writers on vacation and the interns in charge at the office? Someone, please fix this. Jake Rossen over at Sherdog.com does a fine job cranking out some thoughtful pieces, but when it comes to thinking up titles he's king. The same with Josh Gross over at Sports Illustrated. Is it too much to ask that everyone else at least pretend to give a crap?

WEC to Ditch Human-Sized Weight Classes and Focus on Anything Hobbit-Sized and Smaller

The WEC, home of champion hamster Urijah Faber and some of the best "little fellas" in mixed martial arts, will reportedly be getting rid of their heavier 185-pound and 205-pound weight classes some time in the future. This means the following changes will be implemented:

• Middleweight champ Paulo Filho and light-heavyweight golden boy Brian Stann will migrate to the UFC, where they'll promptly be killed by legitimate competition.
• The cage will be fitted with a giant magnifying glass so viewers can better see the action within and the combatants.
• Two new divisions - the microscopic division and the molecular division - will be added.
• Events will be hosted at the Hard Rock Hotel in Munchkinland, Oz. Also, the Shire.
• Frank Mir will no longer interview the bout winner then turn around and eat the loser.

Rumor: CBS Wants to See Other People

A New York Post article this weekend put forth the rumor that CBS is unhappy with EliteXC and maybe wants to see other people, a rumor that stems from that party CBS and EliteXC threw in July where EliteXC totally got drunk and put a lampshade on its head and threw up in the downstairs bathroom. CBS was apparently pretty displeased that night and promptly friended the UFC on Facebook, and the two have been flirting online ever since. No word yet on how much truth there is to all this, but one thing is for sure: CBS is one fickle wench. All it takes is an awesome Kimbo Slice/Ken Shamrock shindig and the Tiffany Network would go back to holding EliteXC's hand in public and letting the promotion feel it up in the back row of the movie theater.