Ken Shamrock: "Kimbo is a Whippersnapper"

Just days away from EliteXC's October 4th magnum opus on CBS and already the pre-fight trash talk has begun to heat up - this time courtesy of Ken Shamrock. In an interview conducted at the Lion's Den Retirement Facility in Ocala, Florida, "Old Man" Shamrock blasted his opponent for being a "disrespectful punk". "Kimbo is a whippersnapper," said the UFC 1 veteran. Hunched over his walker with a glass of Metamucil in hand, he added: "That youngster is in for a lesson he'll never forget. I have bowel movements tougher than him." Stay tuned to MMA Journalist for a rebuttal from Kimbo Slice.

The Only Game in Town?

Are you a pro fighter in the New York/New Jersey area looking to get a fight or two in before the new year? Well, unless you make it on to Ring of Combat's November 21st card at the Tropicana Casino & Resort in Atlantic City, you're out of luck. Battle Cage Xtreme, New Jersey's other regional show, doesn't return until maybe February of 2009, and promotions like Combat in the Cage and Reality Fighting - which were once staples of the Garden State circuit - are on permanent hiatus. Suddenly, ROC is the only game in town. Is this a sign of the economic downturn hitting East Coast MMA? Or is it just a confluence of scheduling snafus? Who knows. But one thing is sure: ROC's November line-up should be killer.

Underground Profile: James Funaro

When sanctioned amateur MMA leagues finally make it to New York, there's no question James Funaro should be a contender for some 175-pound championship belt. Hailing from Vamos BJJ and sporting an amateur record of 6-3, he's got solid wrestling, smooth jiu-jitsu, great conditioning and enough striking skill to knock opponents the hell out - and aside from a 19-second TKO loss to stud Josh Candon, Funaro has been kicking serious butt in the Underground Combat League. Case in point: last night's highlight-reel worthy high-kick KO, which came just two days after an armbar victory at a smoker on Long Island. Funaro clearly likes to fight, and he's getting pretty damn good at it.

Underground Combat League: "Capital Punishment"

Last night saw another installment of the Underground Combat League, this one at a new location and called "Capital Punishment". Vamos BJJ stud James Funaro went to war with ground-and-pound ace Kirkland Campbell, scoring a second-round knockout with a picture-perfect high kick to Campbell's head. Also victorious were Shawn Obasi, Peter Storm and Alejandro Richardson.

Observations from My Couch: ShoXC 9/26

• Erik Apple handily defeated the game Matt Makowski via rear naked choke in the second round. As a consolation to Makowski, Apple allegedly gave him two porn stars at the afterparty.
• Jaime Jara, bedecked in a variety of tattoos that includes the word "hate" across his chest, out-pointed Giva Santana for the win. Jara will now return to his full-time job running a day care center for young children.
• Malipet is living proof that Thais with one name are serious badasses on the feet. He's also living proof that Thais with one name suck on the ground.
• Wilson Reis went five rounds with Abel Cullum to snag the EliteXC Bantamweight Championship. After the event, Reis dragged the belt back to his burrow, where it will sit with his winter supply of acorns and nuts.

WEC Succumbs to Wall Street Crisis and Downsizes

The crisis on Wall Street has hit the world of mixed martial arts, with the WEC announcing today that they are officially abolishing their middleweight and light-heavyweight divisions to cut costs. The downsizing, which will leave 185-pound fighters such as Paulo Filho, Chael Sonnen and Tim McKenzie and 205-pound fighters such as Doug Marshall and Steve Cantwell unemployed, allows the promotion to focus completely on the smaller weight classes and save money that would normally be spent on actual human-sized athletes. "It's just dollars and sense," says Head Midget Wrangler Reed Harris. "Someone like Brian Stann is going to want to stay in a room at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino and eat energy bars and fruit backstage, whereas we can just keep Urijah Faber in a small cage and feed him crickets. It's just dollars and sense."

HDNet to Buy IFL for "MMA Bloopers and Practical Jokes" Television Show

Mark Cuban's HDNet is moving to buy the remaining assets of the IFL promotion for the sum of $650,000 according to a recent SEC filing. At the heart of the potential acquisition is the failed promotion's extensive video library, which will purportedly be the focal point of a new HDNet television show called "MMA Bloopers and Practical Jokes". The IFL, which woefully tried to divide a roster of B-level fighters amongst contrived teams such as the "San Diego Sea Anemones" and the "Milwaukee Marmots", filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection last week.

TUF 8 Analysis: Episode 2

The second episode of TUF 8: "Team Nogueira vs. Team Mir" graced our television screens last night, with the selection process in full swing and an assortment of hopefuls scrapping for a slot in the TUF house. Thankfully, Dana White's profanity and Minotauro's subtitled dialogue was kept to a minimum.

• Is Frank Mir shouting instructions for both fighters during the fights? Holy confusing, Batman!
• Ido Pariente is the highest-profile fighter Israel has produced. For choking Pariente out, Efrain Escuadero can expect a visit from Mossad sometime soon.
• John "Huggy Bear" Polakowski apparently has no qualms about embracing another man in times of happiness and celebration. Mir, on the other hand, employs a rigid three-second rule. Expect hilarity in upcoming episodes with Polakowski running around the gym with open arms and Mir hiding under the Octagon.
• The preview at the end of the episode provided brief glimpses of the rest of the season, including drunkenness (surprise!), rowdiness (no way!) and Dana White telling the cast to "beat each other off". It looks like TUF's heterosexual leanings will remain intact.

Ex-UFC Champ to Face IFL Champ at EliteXC/CBS Show; Enraged Dana White Kicks Dog

Former UFC heavyweight champ Andrei Arlovski will square off against IFL heavyweight champ Roy Nelson at the October 4th EliteXC event, according to a report on Sherdog.com . As Arlovski is under contract with Affliction, the bout, which is purported to be slated for the live CBS prime time broadcast, is a joint EliteXC/Affliction affair. Upon hearing this news, UFC Tyrant Dana White allegedly became enraged, and promptly kicked a dog.

Wholesome Matt Makowski to Battle Unsavory Erik Apple at ShoXC

Richie Cunningham. Sir Lancelot. Jesus. History is full of virtuous men, men who've made their mark on the world while staying true to all that is pure and good. Now MMA has one such man in wholesome Philadelphia welterweight Matt Makowski. A Muay Thai specialist with a very solid ground game, Makowski has a taken out the likes of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belts Nick Serra and Julio Cruz - all while holding fast to the morals so lacking in society today. By contrast, the unsavory Erik Apple, who often consorts with pornographic movie stars when not frequenting dens of sin, is everything Makowski is not, which should make for an interesting clash when the two meet at the upcoming ShoXC. Who will triumph when good battles evil? Who wins when "Mr. Nice Guy" faces "Mr. Promiscuous"? ShoXC's upcoming event airs live on Showtime on Friday, September 26th, and will also feature an eagerly-anticipated EliteXC Bantamweight Championship match-up between Wilson Reis and Abel Cullum.