Ali J Shaw to KJ Noons: "Yous is Scared"

Jared "Ali J" Shaw threw down the gauntlet at KJ Noons this week, blasting the EliteXC champ for "bein' a punanni" and failing to accept a proposed rematch against Nick Diaz on their October 4th CBS show. Wearing amber-hued goggles, a bright yellow tracksuit and oversized diamond-encrusted rings shaped like dollar signs, the younger Shaw declared Noons a "batty boy", alleging that the bout was being ducked. "'e's da champ so he needs to ruk da wickedest. We evun offered im wicked mula. But e's scared. Yous ear me, KJ Noons? Yous is scared." No word yet on a response from the Noons camp, or even if anyone on Noons' end could understand Ali J's accusations.

Underground Profile: Shawn Obasi

In December of 2004, a nightclub bouncer named Shawn Obasi stepped into the ring at NYC's Underground Combat League weilding heavy hands and crowd-pleasing intensity. But those attributes were all he had, and the 250-pound Grados Wing Chun representative lost via TKO after nearly seven minutes of fevered scrapping. Fast-forward to the present, where, with grappling knowledge courtesy of Alliance Jiu-Jitsu in Manhattan, the Nigerian-born Bronx native has put himself back on the winning track - first by pounding out one BJJ stylist and then tapping another with a kimura. Obasi is now kicking ass. "I definitely had to focus on my martial arts training and learn all aspects of fighting," he says. "Not just stand-up but groundfighting as well. Before that first fight I had no idea who the Gracies were and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and submission wrestling - really, any other kind of fighting other than what I did." What looms on the horizon for the up-and-coming heavyweight eager to turn pro? "My goal in mixed martial arts is to be number one," says Obasi. "My goal now is to win."

Scientists Disprove Bigfoot Myth

Scientists in California have conclusively proved that Antonio "Bigfoot" Silva is not the EliteXC heavyweight champion. Thanks to measurements of his footprint as well as a urinalysis, it's been determined that the behemoth who TKO'd Justin Eilers at EliteXC's July 26th show is not really a Yeti, Abominable Snowman or other mythical beast but is in fact just some big dude who takes steroids. "He's a fake," said Dr. Walter Grandy of the California Sasquatch Foundation. "At this time, we cannot consider him a Bigfoot nor an EliteXC champ."

A Piece of MMA History: King of the Cage

Sure, King of the Cage is still around. But the incarnation churning out semi-regional shows now is but a shadow of the 2000-2003 version that, at the time, was considered the number two MMA event in the country. Back then, KOTC was a legitimate stepping stone to the UFC and Pride, with stars like Ricco Rodriguez, Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, Diego Sanchez and more all paying their dues in the West Coast promotion's cage. Sadly, thanks to some serious product dilution over the span of 120+ shows, winning a belt in the promotion doesn't mean nearly as much as it used to - which is a shame. When all fans had was six UFCs a year plus a few IFCs and Extreme Challenges here and there, KOTC was where it was at.

EliteXC Musical Chairs

The music has stopped for EliteXC's musical chairs, with welterweight champ Jake Shields and challenger Paul Daley finding seats for the October 4th CBS show alongside Gina Carano vs. Kelly Kobold-Gavin and Kimbo Slice vs. Tomato Can. Where does that leave newcomer Lyman Good, who was supposed to fight Daley on the cancelled September 20th card? According to the tea leaves in MMA Journalist's morning cup of caffeine, Good could face either UFC/WEC veteran John Alessio or an enraged panda bear on EliteXC's November 8th Showtime event.

Exclusive: Foosball Table Not Happy with Upcoming TUF 8 Season

The eighth season of "The Ultimate Fighter" is nearly upon us, and it brings with it all the usual pre-show hype and promises of excitement. However, not everyone is happy with this upcoming edition of the hit reality TV series. Last season, the TUF house's foosball table was dumped into the pool during an episode of drunken mayhem; MMA Journalist caught up with that foosball table to get its thoughts on the new season. MMA Journalist: How you doing? Foosball Table: I'm doing good. MMA Journalist: You've been a permanent fixture in the TUF house for a while now and you've seen things from a very different perspective than those watching at home. What are your thoughts on this season? Foosball Table: I think it sucked. Not because of anything to do with the fights or the drama or whatever, but because I'm sick of being in constant fear for my life. MMA Journalist: Fear for your life? Foosball Table: Yeah. You have no idea what it's like to be a piece of furniture in that house cooped up with those guys - very physical guys who at any moment could snap and turn around and smash you. That's no way to live, man. MMA Journalist: But I thought Dana White said that whoever trashes the house this season would have to pay for the damages? Didn't that make things safer for you? Foosball Table: Um, not so much. I mean, regardless of who's footing the bill, the producers are still stocking the place with liquor and it's still always my ass on the line once the booze starts flowing. Did you know Forrest Griffin threw up in me during the filming of season five? The dude wasn't even staying at the house! Did you know Nate Diaz tried to smoke me? And I'm not even going to tell you what Patrick Cote did to my goalie! MMA Journalist: Wow. Sounds rough. Foosball Table: 'Rough' is an understatement. MMA Journalist: Well, thanks for your time. Foosball Table: No problem.

Dear EliteXC: Please Don't Die

Dear EliteXC: Please don't die. When I heard that you'd cancelled your September 20th Showtime event, and that you bailed on a Cage Rage Contenders in the UK, my heart sank. You were the first promotion to make it to network television. You got people everywhere talking about Kimbo Slice and Gina Carano and, more importantly, MMA in general. You gave athletes like Robbie Lawler, Scott Smith, Jake Shields, Nick Thompson and others a chance to let the world know that they're top-tier fighters. And last but not least, you gave us an alternative to the UFC's brand of pugilistic product. Look, I know profitability seems elusive, and that the crowded MMA market can at times be cutthroat and resource-draining. But Rome wasn't built in a day. Just hang in there. When clothing stores start stocking EliteXC T-shirts and CBS and Showtime renew their contracts in far more favorable terms, it will all pay off in the end.

Obligatory Brock Lesnar Post

At some point the UFC stopped being about the best mixed martial artists in the world and started being about who sells tickets and pay-per-views. Case in point: Brock Lesnar, an inexplicable media magnet with legions of fans and a fraction of the skill top dogs Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Frank Mir possess. Dana White has wasted no opportunity to blast EliteXC for their promoting of streetfighter Kimbo Slice, but what's the UFC's excuse for pushing Lesnar? The UFC's entire anemic heavyweight division rests squarely on the shoulders of a chiseled former pro-wrestler with a tattoo of a dingling on his chest. Folks, he ain't worthy.

Affliction to Defy Odds by Having Second Show

Despite spending a quadrillion dollars on their debut event, upstart MMA promotion Affliction is moving full speed ahead on a second show. Scheduled for October 11th at the palacial Taj Mahal in India, "Day of Reckoning" will feature Andre Arlovski versus Josh Barnett, Ben Rothwell versus Pedro Rizzo, Paul Buentello versus Roy Nelson, and match-ups between any other fighters willing to accept ten times what the UFC pays. Said Affliction head seamstress Tom Atencio: "I stole Donald Trump's credit card. Can you believe there's no credit limit on this thing? I just bought a freakin' island, man. An island!"

Why Lyman Good Will Kick Paul Daley's Ass

Lyman Good is an undefeated IFL vet from the Northeast. Paul Daley is the best welterweight the UK has to offer. And when the two meet on September 20th at EliteXC's Albuquerque, New Mexico event, Good is going to kick Daley's ass big time. With concise striking, top-level grappling and unparalleled conditioning, Good has all the tools he needs to dispose of the Brit, and the Cage Rage star - known for his heavy hands but tepid ground game - will be going home with another loss on his 26-bout fight record for sure. Very few train as hard as Good, even fewer have his training resources (including an insanely deep pool of sparring partners), and the Team Tiger Schulmann representative has faced some of the best the Garden State has to offer. Want to bet on a sure thing? Put your money on Good for the unanimous decision win.