MMA Journalist Exclusive: Brock Lesnar Admits to Abusing Leprechauns in Imaginary Interview

In an exclusive imaginary interview with MMA Journalist, Brock Lesnar, who squares off against heavyweight champ Randy Couture this weekend at UFC 91, has revealed that he is an abuser of leprechauns. The former WWE wrestler, who earned his shot at the UFC title with a mere 2-1 fight record, describes a darker aspect of himself that most fans probably don't know - an aspect that fans maybe don't want to know. Here's an excerpt from that shocking imaginary interview:

• Mr. Lesnar, you've accomplished a lot in the world of wrestling, and on Saturday you're facing a legend in the sport of MMA, so you definitely have a lot to be proud of. Is there anything about you you're not proud of? Well, there is, actually. All my life I've hated leprechauns.
• Leprechauns? Yeah. You know, those little Irish fellas who guard pots of gold at the end of rainbows? I hate 'em. Always have.
• I see. And have you ever acted on this hatred? Yeah, I have. I mean, well, some might say I've abused them.
• Abused? How so? Well, at first it was all verbal. Like, whenever I'd see them I'd put them down... make fun of their pointy shoes, things like that. But as time went by, I'd walk by and kick over their pots of gold. And lately, I've just been tackling them. They hate that. They hate getting their clothes messed up.
• That's very interesting. And where do you think this hatred stems from? I don't know, man. I just hate 'em.
• Okay. Are you at all worried that revealing this... behavior might adversely affect your fans' opinions of you? I don't know. I guess. But it's something I have to get off my chest. I mean, fans know me as this big hulk of guy who doesn't even remotely deserve a shot at the UFC belt - but really, I'm much more complex than that.
• Wow. Well, thanks for your time, Brock. No, thank you.

Fabricio Werdum Cut From the UFC; the World Mourns

The world is in mourning today with the news that Fabricio Werdum, a Brazilian heavyweight and jiu-jitsu black belt, was cut from the UFC's roster. The purported reason behind his exit is said to have been contractual in nature, driven in no small part by the Chute Boxe fighter's shocking upset loss to Junior dos Santos at UFC 90. Werdum's career highlights included TKO wins over Brandon Vera and Gabriel Gonzaga in the Octagon, and Pride victories over Aleksander Emelianenko and Alistair Overeem. Said UFC Chief Executioner Dana White, "I know I'm not alone in feeling like we've lost a good friend today... Say, do you want to be fucking fighter?" Werdum leaves behind an ill-conceived heavyweight tournament and a disgustingly-anemic weight class. In lieu of flowers, the UFC prefers fans to make a cash donation to the "Give the UFC Your Money" charity.

So Where Did Lyman Good End Up?

East Coast standout and Team Tiger Schulmann superstar Lyman Good was on the verge of big-time exposure when EliteXC offered him a contract, but then EliteXC bit the dust. So where did Good finally end up? It looks like the Bellator Fighting Championships is the winner. The Bellator Fighting Championships will air on ESPN Deportes (ESPN's latin-centric sports channel), and will feature eight-man tournaments in various weight-classes. More details should come when the BFC starts leaking more info.

CSAC Head Armando Garcia to Be Deported by INS

California State Athletic Commission Grand Luchador Armando Garcia, the controversial head of the Golden State's MMA-governing body and a longtime illegal alien, is slated for deportation by the Immigration and Naturalization Service and will therefore be stepping down, MMA Journalist has learned. With over two decades of boxing and Mexican wrestling experience on his resume, Garcia brought a distinctive flair to the sport of mixed martial arts, and though he was partly responsible for the administrative mis-steps in the high-profile suspensions of Sean Sherk, Phil Baroni and Nick Diaz, his trademark sombrero and low-slung pistols will surely be missed. When asked for comment on his deportation, Garcia replied, "No hables Ingles." It's expected he will return to his original job as a bandit in his native country. A successor has not yet been named.

Showtime to Sell EliteXC Fighters as Slaves

The cable network Showtime, which held significant financial interests in EliteXC at the time of the promotion's collapse, announced this week that it was auctioning off whatever EliteXC assets are available to repay the failed company's debt - and much to the chagrin of Robbie Lawler, Jake Shields and civil rights lawyers alike, those assets will include EliteXC's stable of contracted fighters. "I just got a call from Matt Hughes," said Monte Cox, who manages middleweight champ Lawler. "He was hysterical. Apparently they took Robbie away in shackles. Hey, I'm no legal expert, but this is clearly a violation of the Constitution's Thirteenth Amendment!" Added Shields' manager Cesar Gracie: "Yeah man. They already sold Jake to some Arab sheik. I think he's in the Middle East now waving a giant palm frond as the sultan's personal fan." It's unclear at this time if Showtime's actions will withstand a legal challenge, but as of this writing, other EliteXC fighters have gone into hiding. Stay tuned for more.

Fear and Loathing in Jupiter, Florida

UFC lightweight Hermes Franca was arrested yesterday in Jupiter, Florida for driving under the influence, capping off an LSD-fueled road trip involving a Mexican attorney and a typewriter inscribed with the words "Off the Pigs". According to the police report, Franca was shouting "I am the Lizard King! I am the Lizard King!" from his convertible the "Red Shark" when officers pulled him over, and he was taken into custody and booked at the Palm Beach County Jail. He was later released on his own recognizance.

Observations from My Couch: WEC 36

• Someone needs to let Jake Rosholt know that it's okay to duck and dodge and not get punched in the face. Seriously. The WEC does not have a "Got Punched in the Face A Lot" bonus.
• I can still remember when Jens Pulver was one of the most-feared strikers in the sport. I hate to say it, but he's getting old.
• I would be totally cool with never having to see Paulo Filho fight again. That dude simply did not want to be there, and after three rounds of watching him buttflop, not a soul on the planet wanted him to be in there either.
• Mike Brown took a page out of Seth Petruzelli's book and wrecked a big promotion's poster boy and their best laid plans. Urijah Faber should fight Kimbo Slice to earn his rematch.

TUF 8 Analysis: Episode 8

Another Wednesday night, another TUF 8 episode. Coach Mir grows more and more toolish, Stankie is kept off screen (aside from some crazy, old man gesticulating), and bodily fluids are consumed in "weird German porno" fashion.

• Fruit marinated in urine and sushi coated in man-chowder. Ugh. Why is it that whenever I hype an episode and tell all my friends to watch it, the gay stuff happens? Now everyone is avoiding me.
• Boiled duck fetuses? I guess for Phillipe Nover, fear is definitely not a factor.
• Junie Browning giving out tips on how to beat his teammate Dave Kaplan is only half of what he did. Although it wasn't shown, Browning also let the air out of the tires on Kaplan's dirt bike and ate his pillow.
• Nover hits very hard. So hard, in fact, that not only was Kaplan knocked silly enough to believe he was still the better fighter of the two afterwards, but coach Mir too was concussed into believing Kaplan was superior. I sincerely hope both Kaplan and Mir have since gotten MRIs and brain scans.

Scenes From Phillipe Nover's TUF Screening

The Aviator Recreation Center in Brooklyn played host to Phillipe Nover's TUF 8 episode screening party tonight. In attendance: Nover and a ton of his friends and family, plus jiu-jitsu ace Carmine Zocchi, http://nycfight.com/ founder Eric Joza and a lot of pizza.

Drug-Addled Paulo Filho Thinks He's Gina Carano, Fails to Make Weight

Middleweight belt holder Paulo Filho, whose battles with substance abuse prompted a recent stint in rehab, failed to make weight yesterday for his WEC 36 bout against Chael Sonnen, rendering their championship contest a three-round, non-title affair. The Brazilian Top Team star was reportedly wearing a wig and a skirt at the official weigh-ins, and while insisting everyone call him "Gina", stepped on to the scale at 192 pounds (a whopping seven pounds over the limit). "Paulo is... having some issues right now," said main handler Ed Soares, who ended up chasing Filho around the venue while Filho giggled and squealed. Added Soares: "I assure you, she - err, I mean he - will be ready for his fight." Tonight's WEC 36 will also feature a match-up between minuscule warriors Urijah Faber and Mike Brown and will air live on the "Versus" cable channel.