Exclusive: Foosball Table Not Happy with Upcoming TUF 8 Season

The eighth season of "The Ultimate Fighter" is nearly upon us, and it brings with it all the usual pre-show hype and promises of excitement. However, not everyone is happy with this upcoming edition of the hit reality TV series. Last season, the TUF house's foosball table was dumped into the pool during an episode of drunken mayhem; MMA Journalist caught up with that foosball table to get its thoughts on the new season. MMA Journalist: How you doing? Foosball Table: I'm doing good. MMA Journalist: You've been a permanent fixture in the TUF house for a while now and you've seen things from a very different perspective than those watching at home. What are your thoughts on this season? Foosball Table: I think it sucked. Not because of anything to do with the fights or the drama or whatever, but because I'm sick of being in constant fear for my life. MMA Journalist: Fear for your life? Foosball Table: Yeah. You have no idea what it's like to be a piece of furniture in that house cooped up with those guys - very physical guys who at any moment could snap and turn around and smash you. That's no way to live, man. MMA Journalist: But I thought Dana White said that whoever trashes the house this season would have to pay for the damages? Didn't that make things safer for you? Foosball Table: Um, not so much. I mean, regardless of who's footing the bill, the producers are still stocking the place with liquor and it's still always my ass on the line once the booze starts flowing. Did you know Forrest Griffin threw up in me during the filming of season five? The dude wasn't even staying at the house! Did you know Nate Diaz tried to smoke me? And I'm not even going to tell you what Patrick Cote did to my goalie! MMA Journalist: Wow. Sounds rough. Foosball Table: 'Rough' is an understatement. MMA Journalist: Well, thanks for your time. Foosball Table: No problem.

Dear EliteXC: Please Don't Die

Dear EliteXC: Please don't die. When I heard that you'd cancelled your September 20th Showtime event, and that you bailed on a Cage Rage Contenders in the UK, my heart sank. You were the first promotion to make it to network television. You got people everywhere talking about Kimbo Slice and Gina Carano and, more importantly, MMA in general. You gave athletes like Robbie Lawler, Scott Smith, Jake Shields, Nick Thompson and others a chance to let the world know that they're top-tier fighters. And last but not least, you gave us an alternative to the UFC's brand of pugilistic product. Look, I know profitability seems elusive, and that the crowded MMA market can at times be cutthroat and resource-draining. But Rome wasn't built in a day. Just hang in there. When clothing stores start stocking EliteXC T-shirts and CBS and Showtime renew their contracts in far more favorable terms, it will all pay off in the end.

Obligatory Brock Lesnar Post

At some point the UFC stopped being about the best mixed martial artists in the world and started being about who sells tickets and pay-per-views. Case in point: Brock Lesnar, an inexplicable media magnet with legions of fans and a fraction of the skill top dogs Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Frank Mir possess. Dana White has wasted no opportunity to blast EliteXC for their promoting of streetfighter Kimbo Slice, but what's the UFC's excuse for pushing Lesnar? The UFC's entire anemic heavyweight division rests squarely on the shoulders of a chiseled former pro-wrestler with a tattoo of a dingling on his chest. Folks, he ain't worthy.

Affliction to Defy Odds by Having Second Show

Despite spending a quadrillion dollars on their debut event, upstart MMA promotion Affliction is moving full speed ahead on a second show. Scheduled for October 11th at the palacial Taj Mahal in India, "Day of Reckoning" will feature Andre Arlovski versus Josh Barnett, Ben Rothwell versus Pedro Rizzo, Paul Buentello versus Roy Nelson, and match-ups between any other fighters willing to accept ten times what the UFC pays. Said Affliction head seamstress Tom Atencio: "I stole Donald Trump's credit card. Can you believe there's no credit limit on this thing? I just bought a freakin' island, man. An island!"

Why Lyman Good Will Kick Paul Daley's Ass

Lyman Good is an undefeated IFL vet from the Northeast. Paul Daley is the best welterweight the UK has to offer. And when the two meet on September 20th at EliteXC's Albuquerque, New Mexico event, Good is going to kick Daley's ass big time. With concise striking, top-level grappling and unparalleled conditioning, Good has all the tools he needs to dispose of the Brit, and the Cage Rage star - known for his heavy hands but tepid ground game - will be going home with another loss on his 26-bout fight record for sure. Very few train as hard as Good, even fewer have his training resources (including an insanely deep pool of sparring partners), and the Team Tiger Schulmann representative has faced some of the best the Garden State has to offer. Want to bet on a sure thing? Put your money on Good for the unanimous decision win.

Brock Lesnar Blazes Trail for Other MMA-Curious Athletes

Former pro-wrestler Brock Lesnar racked up his first win in the Octagon at Saturday night's UFC 87, and Lesnar's three-round dismantling of veteran Heath Herring has opened the door for other MMA-curious athletes to try their hand at sport. MMA Journalist has obtained a copy of the Zuffa internal memo extolling the virtues of cross-sport pollination. The memo goes on to order matchmakers to pursue high-level competitors from other athletic endeavours, and it lists potential candidates. Names on the list include: - PGA Tour winner and all-around golfing stud Phil Mickelson. It is believed that Mickelson would debut as a middleweight, and after defeating a scrub, would face Anderson Silva for the belt. - Boston Red Sox starting pitcher Curt Schilling. Because UFC president Dana White is a fellow Beantowner, Schilling will be given an immediate title shot against light-heavyweight champ Forrest Griffin. - NHL player and Detroit Red Wing goaltender Ty Conklin. Conklin will cut to welterweight, where he'll face Georges St. Pierre in a non-title bout after the two serve as opposing coaches on the ninth season of "The Ultimate Fighter". - Professional ten-pin bowler Wes "Big Nasty" Malott. Malott will enter the deep pool of talent in the UFC's heavyweight division, and after Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, Frank Mir and maybe one or two other legitimate fighters are lured away by Affliction, Malott will face Lesnar for the belt.

Observations from My Couch: WEC 35

-Microscopic East Coast dude defeated microscopic West Coast dude. Does the WEC care that I don't know who these people are? Probably not. -Jamie Varner beat Marcus Hicks senseless in the first defense of his lightweight crown. Varner retains his title as "the best 155-pounder out there not good enough for the UFC". -Steve Cantwell's versatile striking is more powerful than Brian Stann, the Marine Corps, the United States, freedom, liberty and apple pie combined. Cantwell is now the WEC's light-heavyweight champ. Does this mean Communism has prevailed? -Josh Grispi and Brock Larson. Youch. Nice ones, guys. -Welterweight champ Carlos Condit defeated Hiromitsu Miura after a prolonged and epic battle that lasted into the fourth round. Condit managed this feat despite having really sucky judo skills.

UFC Poster Boy Roger Huerta Lashes Out Against Employers

Lightweight UFC poster boy Roger Huerta, who gained notoriety when he made the cover of Sports Illustrated and who will be facing Kenny Florian at UFC 87 for number one contender status, lashed out at his employers in a recent interview with Fight! Magazine. At the top of his list of gripes is, of course, pay, with the Mexican-American making Nevada's minimum wage of $6.85 per hour. It doesn't stop there. According to Huerta, he's often told to mow Dana White's lawn or perform other gardening and landscaping tasks, and on numerous occasions has been paid in pesos. "Come on, man," he says. "That's not cool. I was born here. And I don't even speak Spanish." Huerta reportedly has only two bouts left on his contract; only time will tell if this will affect contract renegotiations.

James Irvin Tests Positive for Everything

James Irvin, who recently lost to Anderson Silva in the UFC middleweight champ's foray into the light-heavyweight division at UFN 14, has tested positive for everything according to a Nevada State Athletic Commission post-fight drug test. Known for his strong striking skills and recurring injuries, Irvin took the bout against Silva on relatively short notice. He now faces a fine and suspension pending a disciplinary hearing. Said NSAC bossman Keith Kizer, "Methadone, oxymorphone, ibuprofen, lidocaine, dextromethorphan, moonshine, Tylenol PM, SpaghettiOs - you name it, he tested positive for it." Added Kizer: "That's actually pretty impressive."

Observations from My Couch: EliteXC "Unfinished Business"

- At "Unfinished Business", EliteXC listened to the hardcore MMA fans and put together a show that definitely pleased them all. According to preliminary ratings reports, however, no one but hardcore fans watched the damn thing. - Cris Cyborg, Wanderlei Silva's transexual brother, looked scary beating down Shayna Baszler. Can Gina Carano save us from her brand of Brazilian lovin'? - Jake Shields made it look easy. Yes, it does indeed say "Bad Motherfucker" on his wallet. - Thomas Denny was an excellent human punching bag for Nick Diaz. But for all his faults, the "Wildman" sure did show a ton of heart. Bravo, man. Bravo. - With heavy hands, a well-rounded game and legitimate credentials, Robbie Lawler is everything EliteXC could want in a middleweight champ. I bet the UFC regrets his departure now, eh?